It was one of those mornings... Mommy went to sleep late and was exhausted. The kids were acting up because when mom doesn't have patience, the kids feel it and do the opposite of what they are "suppose to do!"
That is exactly what type of morning this one was. As I was getting my three kids ready to head out to school, my son wanted to wear his rain boots, even though it wasn't raining (which is not a big deal in a happy mood!) , my other son didn't want to wear his jacket even though it is freezing outside, and my daugther was all ready and waiting impatiently for her brothers to get ready so she wouldnt be late to school! By the time we got to the car, the kids were in tears saying the did not want to go to school.
There are times we don't deal with situations as well as we would like to. We might raise our voice, not validate our children, and make a stuation go a lot slower by being so impatient. By the time we need our kids to do something, they are in tears, or having a tantrum!
Taking a few deep breaths, and stopping for a few moments to relax and talk with our children really helps calm everybody down! Having a conversation like; " do you know how you feel cranky when you are tired? Sometimes, little things that are not really important bother people when they aren't in a good mood. When mom doesn't sleep so well at night it makes her feel cranky too! Even mommies work on the way they talk when they are feeling lousy. We all work on communicating nicely, no matter how old we are!"
Showing our kids that we too have our moments and our struggles that we work to overcome helps them in thier negative moods. It also allows them to express themselves when we hurt them without fear of us reprimanding them for it. It makes it easier for them not to take our critism at those times so personally. They may think "oh, I think mommy is feeling extra tired today."
After hugging each of my kids for a few moments and using this approach ("mommy is extra tired today, Im so sorry I let it out on you and raised my voice! Even mommies work on themselves to talk nicely when they feel cranky!") the kids felt better and were ready to start their day on a happier note. Yes, I feel a little bit guilty, but I try to remind myself that I can't be more the human!
When we show our kids we care about their feelings and are working towards a calmer happier home for them and us, the whole family can work towards that. The message they will internalize is that we are all human and have the choice to work on ourselves to change our natural responses into ones that we desire! We can lead by example of how it is important to apologize when someone else is hurt because of our negative mood, no matter what the reason!
That is exactly what type of morning this one was. As I was getting my three kids ready to head out to school, my son wanted to wear his rain boots, even though it wasn't raining (which is not a big deal in a happy mood!) , my other son didn't want to wear his jacket even though it is freezing outside, and my daugther was all ready and waiting impatiently for her brothers to get ready so she wouldnt be late to school! By the time we got to the car, the kids were in tears saying the did not want to go to school.
There are times we don't deal with situations as well as we would like to. We might raise our voice, not validate our children, and make a stuation go a lot slower by being so impatient. By the time we need our kids to do something, they are in tears, or having a tantrum!
Taking a few deep breaths, and stopping for a few moments to relax and talk with our children really helps calm everybody down! Having a conversation like; " do you know how you feel cranky when you are tired? Sometimes, little things that are not really important bother people when they aren't in a good mood. When mom doesn't sleep so well at night it makes her feel cranky too! Even mommies work on the way they talk when they are feeling lousy. We all work on communicating nicely, no matter how old we are!"
Showing our kids that we too have our moments and our struggles that we work to overcome helps them in thier negative moods. It also allows them to express themselves when we hurt them without fear of us reprimanding them for it. It makes it easier for them not to take our critism at those times so personally. They may think "oh, I think mommy is feeling extra tired today."
After hugging each of my kids for a few moments and using this approach ("mommy is extra tired today, Im so sorry I let it out on you and raised my voice! Even mommies work on themselves to talk nicely when they feel cranky!") the kids felt better and were ready to start their day on a happier note. Yes, I feel a little bit guilty, but I try to remind myself that I can't be more the human!
When we show our kids we care about their feelings and are working towards a calmer happier home for them and us, the whole family can work towards that. The message they will internalize is that we are all human and have the choice to work on ourselves to change our natural responses into ones that we desire! We can lead by example of how it is important to apologize when someone else is hurt because of our negative mood, no matter what the reason!
1 comment:
Great post, Rivkie! It is so important that we do what we can (your helpful suggestions) to set the best atmosphere for our children.
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