It's OK To Cry!

"You are too big to cry!,"   "Be a big boy and wipe your tears away,"  Or "Show me how you act like a man and stop crying!"  are things people say to kids all the time.  Adults who say these things usually have good intentions when they tell a sad child not to cry.  

There may be some reasons of our own why we want the child to stop crying, perhaps a few of the following:

I don't feel comfortable with your tears because I don't know how to help you, so please stop!

I don't know how to deal with strong emotions myself so I feel agitated when I see others expressing emotion.

I feel so embarrassed! I don't want others to think negative thoughts
This is not something that sad to cry about!

Crying is a part of the healing process.  G-d gave us tears for a reason!  It is a way for us to let out our sad feelings so that we can feel better again.  Crying has nothing to do with age. Big people cry too!   The crying will stop all on its own, even without intervention. No storm lasts forever. When you can stay lovingly present with your child while he is in tears you'll get to see that after a good hard cry, your child is usually thinking much more clearly than before, and feeling much more connected and affectionate and kind. Don't we all feel that way after a good cry?  Some of us have been conditioned to hide or suppress our emotions and "put on a big happy smile"  when we feel like we need to cry.  If we learn to allow ourselves to feel emotions, and deal our feelings as they are, without trying to suppress them, we can be in a much better position to allow our kids to deal with their emotions too without feeling like doing so is "weak"  or "wrong."  

My daughter came home from school one day and told me "someone told me that only babies cry."  I told her, and all my children this; "G-d gave us tears for a reason!  Although many people believe it is weak to cry, I believe that it is good because it washes away your sad feelings and helps you be in a better place and feel refreshed."  I was so proud when my sons teacher told me a response my son gave an adult who told him not to cry.. "my mommy said it is OK for me to cry when I am sad! G-d gave me tears!  I will stop crying as soon as I feel better."  I couldn't be more proud of him.  Hearing that brought tears to MY eyes! :)