Unconditional Love

Children need to know that nothing can affect our love for them.  That we will always love them no matter what.  We might not love a certain behavior, but that has nothing to do with our love for them as a person and our child!

There are many ways to show them this.  One is to be careful that we don’t use the terms “good boy” and “bad boy.”  They, as people (as well as all people) are always good at their core and deserve to be loved no matter what.  Even If they do something that really bothers us,  we can give them the feeling that their behavior  is not connected to the love we feel for them, which is unconditional!

When a child grabs a toy from another child instead of saying something like “bad boy,”  we can focus on the behavior and might say something like; “what can we do when we want something instead of grabbing?"  When One of our children is having a hard day some extra hugs and reminders of the love we feel for them can go along way in helping them get through it.

Another powerful tool for this concept is  teaching them to tap into their  Evil as well as their good inclination which we all have inside of us. It is helpful for a child to understand that it's normal and natural (and actually the way G-d created us!) to have two opposite “voices.”   One of them whispers,  "make  the right choice."  While the other  other tells  us to make a wrong choice.  Through understanding this concept, kids can learn to feel proud about overcoming an internal struggle.

Discussing a challenge  our children had and asking  open questions like “did you make the right choice?"  And "what can you do differently next time,” can help them understand themselves better and be motivated to come up with different solutions for the future.  Making an effort to notice when they are presented with a challenge, and act appropriately (especially when difficult),  helps them feel good about themselves. (For example, a child who usually hits when someone takes away his toy, and controls his hands using words instead... Or a child who does not feel like listening to a rule, but does so anyway. A child who has a hard time sharing with a friend but overcomes that and chooses to share..)

We are all human. We need to be careful not  to make our children feel like failures for being imperfect! Giving our children the understanding that only G-d is perfect, and we are meant to learn from our mistakes  is a healthy concept for them to understand.

After a tough day, a child can be reminded that every morning we have a fresh start to make different choices then they day before. Finding the positive things they do, (even if sometimes they are small) and making sure to mention them, shows them we care.  As long as they are trying and learning,  they are on the path to success! :)