Children need to honor and listen to their parents, but it is important that as parents we find the correct words to say and are mindful of how we deliver our messages. It is difficult for a child to listen to someones advice or criticism when it is said in an angry tone. Getting to know each child's personality is what helps most for us to learn ways to speak in order to help them succeed and listen. When we speak from a place of love and respect rather then anger and judgement, our kids feel that emotion and are more likely to respond positively.
When children are doing something wrong, telling them things like "why are you doing that?" or "What is wrong with you?!" will cause them to get defensive. They might yell back and emit negative behaviors because that is the natural reaction when someone is being attacked.
It isnt easy to always react from a positive place. One helpful tip might be to think how we as adults like to be spoken to when we are doing something wrong. How we might feel if we are told off in public etc. Even if a child understands what they did wrong, if the criticism is delivered in a way that causes embarrassment or shame, the negative behavior will probably continue.
Thinking of ways we can help our children be receptive to our criticism, and trying different approaches of reaching each child, can make a big difference. It is also OK to not react on the spot when unsure what the best reaction is. Taking a break to calm down also teaches our children how to deal with their own frustrations! In fact, they will learn more from our non response they will from an angry reaction. Going over the behavior later on in a calm manner when the child is ready to be receptive can go a long way in helping them internalize our messages.
When children are doing something wrong, telling them things like "why are you doing that?" or "What is wrong with you?!" will cause them to get defensive. They might yell back and emit negative behaviors because that is the natural reaction when someone is being attacked.
It isnt easy to always react from a positive place. One helpful tip might be to think how we as adults like to be spoken to when we are doing something wrong. How we might feel if we are told off in public etc. Even if a child understands what they did wrong, if the criticism is delivered in a way that causes embarrassment or shame, the negative behavior will probably continue.
Thinking of ways we can help our children be receptive to our criticism, and trying different approaches of reaching each child, can make a big difference. It is also OK to not react on the spot when unsure what the best reaction is. Taking a break to calm down also teaches our children how to deal with their own frustrations! In fact, they will learn more from our non response they will from an angry reaction. Going over the behavior later on in a calm manner when the child is ready to be receptive can go a long way in helping them internalize our messages.
2 comments:
Well-put! "It is also OK to not react on the spot..."is an incredibly helpful tip for parents. Years ago, I had the privilege of babysitting for a young mother whose husband had died of cancer, leaving her with two small children. Things could get very busy at their house! Whenever she would find herself with both children whining for something (as kids do) or testing the limits (as kids do), she would sit down, just stop what ever she was doing, and say to the children, "Let me think about that. I can't make a decision right now, but I'll let you know very soon." The children felt heard, she didn't have to take drastic steps, and usually the issue resolved itself. Her technique always worked for me when I became a mom!
Children need the positiveness to give them space to learn and do the appropriate behavior. Negativity can make anyone feel stifled and it is hard to grow and learn to do the right things in that kind of environment.
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