How Will Our children Survive The 'Real' world?

                     


                                         


Some say: "In the real world people aren't that nice".  "In the real world, if you are hurt, no one is going to come running to make it better". "If you are crying because you are sad, no one is going to sit with you and talk it out until you feel better". "How are children going to be able to cope in the real world growing up with parents who are so careful about parenting? Isn't that setting them up for disappointment?"

If you know there is a famine coming, would you starve your kids from the moment they are born in order to prepare them to be hungry? No! You would do the exact opposite;  they would need strong bodies in order to withstand those times.  The same is true with our children. When they have loving, supportive homes, where they feel safe and secure about themselves and their surroundings,  they can do better in a situation where they don't feel safe. They have internal knowledge that, although not everyone will support or love them, the people who matter most, their parents, love them unconditionally and respect them as people.

As parents, we have the opportunity to give our children tools to cope in the real world in a positive way. For example, if a stranger yells at our child, we can teach our child that not everyone knows how to talk the right way when he or she is upset. Not everyone knows how to talk to children. If a parent or an adult makes a mistake, teaching our children that no one is perfect and everyone needs to work on him/herself will give them the ability to deal with an adult who does or says the wrong thing with a healthy perspective. If something isn't fair, (for example, if someone got a bigger piece of cake at a birthday party), instead of re-doing the situation to make it fair - which is often impossible -  we teach our children to focus on the good things we have, rather then comparing what we have to what others have.  

Some believe that keeping a child in a bad situation with the reasoning that 'children are resilient' is beneficial. They are resilient because children are happy and have the ability to bounce back into their "happy-go-lucky" selves which helps them appear fine in a negative situation. It does not mean however, that negative experiences don't affect them! The effects from negative childhood experiences that are not dealt with properly are felt most when a child becomes an adult and especially a parent.

When our children are in a bad situation, whether in school, with friends or even at home, we are their advocates and teachers. We should try, to the best of our ability, to help them deal with the situation by giving them tools but at the same time doing our part.  In school; is this the class the child belongs in? Is this teacher one you can work with and one who cares about your child? If the answer is no, something needs to be done and it is our job to do what we can.  Is your child able to handle a bully on his own? If not, he may need some extra help from the adults around him -- maybe some books on the subject, a talk with the bully and his parents, and/or a meeting with the teachers at school. We cannot sit by with the excuse that kids are resilient or the attitude that it will prepare them for the real world.  We need to help our children by giving them tools as well as stepping in to help out when a situation beyond their control is affecting them in a negative way.  As a result of this learned awareness and armed with these internal tools a child can become secure in who he is and in his surroundings, and will have a better chance of growing up to be a resilient adult who can bounce back when things don't go right - and we all know that has a tendency to happen in the "real world"!