The Power Of Attitude

Having a positive attitude brings optimism into our lives and makes it easier to avoid worry and negative thinking. A positive attitude helps one see the bright side of any given situation and  cope with the stresses of life more effectively.

Developing a positive attitude towards our children and the stages they go through helps us  look toward each stage with a better frame of mind, hoping for the best instead of the worst. For example, when a parent of a new baby is told "Just wait until your child starts to crawl!"  or "Oh boy, you don't want to know what it will be like when that baby starts to talk,!" that parent is hearing a negative attitude. Why shouldn't we look toward the future with hope and excitement? Our thoughts create our reality. For example, thoughts such as "this child is born to be stubborn," may lead to a negative attitude toward that child's stubbornness, which can stop us from having the patience to spend time teaching that child how to cooperate. 

"Just wait until they are older, they won't like many things you did as a parent!" This way of thinking is not conducive to a positive attitude.  It may make a person feel like not trying their best. What we can realize is that no relationship is perfect! We don't love everything our spouse, friends or our coworkers do. Even our best friends may do things that  irritate us. It is communication and understanding as well as apologizing when necessary, that make our relationships strong. Our kids feel our intentions and most of all, our attitude. It is important that our children feel free to share their feelings, both positive and negative, without being judged. Having open, loving communication, keeps the relationship strong so that one day when our children come tell us the things they "didn't like," that strong bond of trust and understanding that has been built has a greater chance of staying intact, regardless of mistakes made.

"Just wait till you have teens," is something that a young mother may hear. Choosing to think "I hope to deal with each stage as it comes as best as I can,  and if I don't know how, I will reach out for help," will lead to a more positive outlook on going through the stages as they come and help us to parent to the best of our abilities. Attitude is a choice! Let us  choose to look toward the future through positive eyes!

Toilet Learning: Ready Or Not?

By Pam Machefsky,  an Early Childhood Educator, parent educator, and mentor for new teachers for 35 years.


If you're a  parent whose child is giving you some signals that he/she is ready for using the toilet, I have some suggestions drawn from both personal experience and from 35 years in the Early Childhood field. Allow me to share!


1. The term 'toilet training' is generally not used in educational circles these days. Using the phrase 'toilet learning' or 'potty learning' gives a much more accurate description of what the child is doing.



2.  There is NO 'right' age for toilet learning; it is an extremely individual process.  I always felt sad and indignant for parents who told me that their child was rejected from a nursery school because he/she was not yet toilet ready. Setting a date for when children MUST be using the toilet is completely artificial and even goes against one's natural needs. If you apply to a nursery school that demands 'toilet learned by a certain date' as an entrance requirement, the National Association for the Education of Young Children (N.A.E.Y.C.) advises against choosing that school for your child.


3. Knowing that there is no correct age for toilet learning, what does a parent do? Happily, there are signs that your child is ready. (Just as you know that your baby can eat certain foods once they have teeth, there are signs for this potty-ready stage in life also!) First of all, is your child eager for mastery in other areas of his/her life? Wants to pick out his foods, her clothes, wants to try new experiences? This is a sign of a child getting ready! Then look for a child who might hide behind a chair (or go to a "private place") when she needs to make a bowel movement in her diaper. This child understands that something is happening in her body, and she feels like she wants a quiet or private place for this to happen. Another signal is a child who wants his diaper off as soon as it's wet; he doesn't like that uncomfortable dampness anymore. (And no matter how much the diaper manufacturers tell you that their diaper stays dryer--it does feel wet!) Another signal is a lot of curiosity about the bathroom and the toilet. 


4. When you sense that your child is ready, you'll have a few questions.(a) How do I start? Pick a week-end or some other day or two when your family schedule is not full. (Good luck with that!) Know that you'll be changing a lot of underpants at first. Have lots of new underwear on hand and have a small potty/seat cover in the bathroom. (b) Which small toilet do you choose for your home toilet learning? Some children prefer to have their feet on the floor, so a small potty which sits on the floor is best for them (although is is more work for the parent--another toilet to clean!) Other kids like the idea of being on the "big potty", so a small seat which fits over the big toilet is ideal for them. There are many portable seat covers available today, so you can easily pack one in a bag for when you go out. (c) Do you use "pull-ups" during this time? Generally, I would say do not use pull-ups in the daytime--they really are just diapers with elastic waists! One of the 'perks' of learning is the thrill of  getting to wear 'big girl' or 'big boy' underpants. If your child is wetting/soiling more than 4 pairs in 8 hours (with cues from you), then he or she may not be ready yet. (d) How do I cue my child? "It's time to go to the bathroom," is a good reminder.  If your child is reluctant to stop what they are doing to go to the bathroom, remind him that you are proud that he's going  and you want to help him keep his special new underwear dry. 


5. Relax! The most important thing to remember is to remain calm and keep a positive demeanor when experiencing the challenges that may come with toilet learning.  Keeping in mind that every child gets there sooner or later - when he/she is ready - can help.  Your child is taking a giant step toward independence! Congrats!